God's Voice

Dear Readers,
This is a long post, but you can read it in sections. I previously posted these as notes on facebook and wanted to share them here. The words below describe a spritual turning point in my life, how I went from talking to God to having a conversation with God. I pray that you are inspired and blessed.

Learning to Hear God’s Voice, Part 1: Be Prepared

Since moving to Memphis and attending Hope I have developed a deep, intimate relationship with God. My closeness with God has grown through fellowship, Bible study, Sunday school class, services, and amazing models. I was employed in a very challenging situation and found support through the people at Hope. I cried out to God in my distress and He heard my prayers. I was blessed in many ways outside of my work but work itself remained difficult and emotionally draining. All through this time I talked to God. Silently, out loud, on my knees, while I was driving, all throughout the day in my heart at work, but I never had the sense that I was having a conversation with God. I knew that He heard my prayers and was working in my life, but I never heard God's voice inside of me. Even when I crashed my truck on I-40 in rush hour during the pouring rain and I know God reached His hands down and protected me from harm, I did not hear His voice.

My job ended before Memoral Day weekend. It ended on a very bad note and shattered my confidence in my career choice. I have been praying about what I should do next. I asked God to guide me, to put me where my gifts, talents, and skills will be used to His purpose. I have been praying about where I should be looking for employment and what industry I should be looking in. All I kept getting at this point was "Be Prepared." This was just a feeling, a thought that kept repeating in my head.

Be prepared? For what? A new teaching position? What grade should I plan for? I bought some books on organizing the first weeks of school and developing a good classroom management system. I purchased 5-subject notebooks and new pens to start planning lessons. I figured I would plan for second grade, then I could adjust the lessons for first or third. I worked on my resume. I looked for jobs. I worried about how my last position ended. Be prepared. Hmmm...I'll try.

Learning to Hear God’s Voice Part 2: Wait, and seek Godly Advice

 

A friend informed me of a possible position in the field I used to work in. It sounded like a good opportunity so I revamped my resume to highlight my experience and skills in that field. I spent hours working on the perfect cover letter. I was confused as to how to apply so I emailed and faxed my cover letter and resume. I submitted that same resume to a few other positions I saw posted in the classifieds or on company websites. I received a response from one organization telling me I was not qualified for the position. No response from the other organizations.

June 27, 2011: My mom's eye surgery is scheduled for tomorrow and although it is a pretty routine surgery for the doctor, it is always risky when someone goes into surgery. My mom called me and told me that she was informed the landlord would be bringing people to view the house. If the landlord is selling the house, then my mom, sister, and kids have to find a new place to live. This was a lot to worry about for my mom on top of the surgery. When I heard this I thought to myself that I might want to peruse the job market in NY. Maybe it was time to move back. I saw a couple of positions I would be interested in and forwarded my resume and cover letter. Then I started praying in earnest. I prayed for my mom to come through her surgery well. I prayed about the housing situation. I prayed for guidance and wisdom in making a decision about staying in Memphis or returning to NY.

June 28, 2011: I opened my Bible, and my study guides and started looking up references on decision making. I figured that if I wanted guidance, it would be in God's word. After reading verses in both old and new testaments, and cross-referencing, and praying God told me to wait! The word was not to make a rash decision, to seek godly counsel, and to wait for God to answer. This is a significant command to someone who often makes impulsive decisions. Decisions like coming home from the car dealership with two new cars instead of one, because I was jealous that my sister was getting a new car and not me! But, I am a new person so now I will listen to God. God says "Wait!" I wait. Waiting is hard, especially when you feel like things could just crumble into dust any minute. God's time is not my time, I am only human.

Then the Lord said to Cain,"Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right sin crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." Gen 4:6-7 NIV

Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed. Proverbs 15:22 NIV

So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Cor 10:31 NIV

June 28, 2011 Later in the Day: Later this same day God reminded me that I am supposed to be reading Job. I have read the first three chapters, and have found myself distracted by other things and acting a bit like Jonah, running away from the hard things God tells us to do. So, I opened Job and read chapter 4. At this point Job has had all of his wealth and children taken away as a test of his loyalty and righteousness toward God. Job does not curse God, even though he has become destitute and childless. Then Job is tested again, but this time Job is afflicted with painful sores all over his body. Job's wife encourages him to curse God and die, but Job says no, we accept good from God, we must accept suffering also. Job suffers greatly from these sores and has some friends come to visit him, they sit for seven days and nights without speaking and then Job opens up and expresses his pain and sorrow and curses the day of his birth, but still not God. Finally we come to Job 4. In this chapter Job's friend Eliphaz speaks to Job telling him to lay his problems before the lord. Eliphaz tells Job to focus on the good things he has done in life and reminds Job that God does not destroy the upright. God is now telling me to remember that I have done good things, I have affected people's lives for the better and that I need to remember these things! Also, I should be confident because of my faith. Again God is telling me to listen to people who give Godly advice. And finally, I am to remain godly in my actions. All of that from the first six verses! Continuing on in Job, God directs me to pray and lay my burdens before Him. God performs miracles and provides for the needy.

Think how you have instructed many, how you have strengthened feeble hands. Your words supported those who stumbled; you have strengthened faltering knees. But trouble comes to you and you are dismayed. Should not your piety be your confidence and your blameless ways your hope? Job 4:3-6 NIV

But if I were you I would appeal to God, I would lay my cause before Him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. Job 4:8-9 NIV

Learning to Hear God’s Voice Part 3: Go!

Okay, short and sweet since the last two times I tried to write this I lost it.

I got a call for an interview in NY on July 1. I made an appointment for July 11, giving myself time to drive to NY and have a vacation. I was conflicted, not knowing if I should even go on an interview because I really didn't want to move back. But then, did it really matter what I wanted or what God wants? Well, how do I know what God wants? I have to listen for His voice. How? How do I know when God is telling me something? Pray. Pray. Pray. Be still and quiet. Read Scripture.

On Saturday I awoke and immediately started praying for guidance about the situation. After praying I went to the Bible. I opened to Mark 6:1 Jesus left there and went to his hometown, accompanied by his disciples.

Wow! That is pretty specific, Jesus went to his HOMEtown. Now, if the word had been home, I may have considered Denver, because I consider Denver home. but my Hometown? That is in NY where I was born, lived the first years of my life, and have extended family. God is talking, I am listening.

But, I was bothered by the second part of the verse, that Jesus was accompanied by his disciples. What does that mean for me? Am I supposed to take someone with me? I don't know, I will have to ask for clarity on that. I started making plans to move instead of vacation. I put notices out about my furniture, looked up the route, called family to see if I could stay with them.

On Sunday July 3, I attended Sunday School and church service. I cried during Sunday School because I was going to miss everyone, and I could feel God's spirit moving our class in a positive direction. I was just getting involved on committees and excited to be a part of the great things happening in HSC. But I knew God was telling me to go. I still wasn't happy about it. After class the singles all go to service together. This is when the most amazing thing happened!!!

During the worship music before the sermon there was a phrase in one of the songs about God turning darkness into light. At this point a feeling of peace came over me and I felt God's presence. I felt God telling me that He would turn my darkness into light and my darkness is in NY. I had to go so that He could do His work to finish cleaning out the dark parts of my soul. Then, on top of that I had an epiphany about the second part of the verse. "Taking his disciples with him" did not mean that I was supposed to take anyone with me. I am a disciple and Jesus is taking me to my hometown. In my hometown I am supposed to bring my new light, Jesus, to help others see. Once I had this epiphany a sense of peace came over me. I felt sure that the move was the right decision, that it was God's decision and I was doing what God wanted.

After that it was not easy, but not as hard to say goodbye to my friends in Memphis. I am sure I will see them again, and I will keep in touch via fb and email and phone.

I praise God for the things I learned while I was in Memphis, for bringing me closer to Him, for providing godly mentors, great friends, and providing for my needs. I thank God for teaching me how to study the bible on my own, and for grounding me in the old testament with the Patriarchs. I had a spiritual awakening in Memphis and I am a new person! My faith in God will see me through here in NY and God will provide for my needs.

Blessings to you my friends!