Rising from the Depths

One of the most difficult parts of depression is describing your feelings to others who don't understand. Most are well-meaning and only want to help you, but they have never struggled with depression and have no clue how it feels. I have been trying to figure out how to describe the hopelessness that comes with depression, the feeling of being in the dark with no light to lead the way out. Then, God gave me inspiration-God knows what I am feeling and He has written it in His Word.

You may know Jonah as the guy who was inside a whale for three days (kind of like Geppeto in Pinocchio), but before Jonah was swallowed by the whale he was thrown into the ocean during a mighty storm. Jonah was tossed by the waves and pulled under by the forces of the current. Jonah sank beneath the waters and got twisted up in ocean flora. Jonah was drowning in the depths and had no way out but God sent a great fish to swallow Jonah. While Jonah was inside the fish he prayed to the Lord and described what depression feels like:

5 The waters engulfed me up to the neck;
the watery depths overcame me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.
6 I sank to the foundations of the mountains;
the earth with its prison bars closed behind me forever!
(Jonah 2:5-6 Holmes Christian Standard Bible)

This imagery describes how I feel when I am lost in the claws of depression. The ocean demons are trying to drown me. But God raised Jonah from the pit and only God can raise me from the depths of depression.

God saved me from the deepest pit I could ever imagine, if it hadn't been for God's loving grace and intervention at the very moment I needed it I don't know what would have happened to me. But God, using my dad as His messenger, guided me to read Psalms. I remember screaming at my dad that I couldn't read the Psalms, I didn't understand them. My dad just said, well, try anyway. So, I did and this is the Psalm the Lord gave me that night, the Psalm that saved me. Especially verses 2 and 9. I cried to God because I was weak and weary, my bones were shaking. The gift is that God heard my prayer! That was the moment I knew I was not alone and that with God I could get through.

Psalm 6

1 Lord, do not rebuke me in Your anger;
do not discipline me in Your wrath.
2 Be gracious to me, Lord, for I am weak;
heal me, Lord, for my bones are shaking;
3 my whole being is shaken with terror.
And You, Lord—how long?
4 Turn, Lord! Rescue me;
save me because of Your faithful love.
5 For there is no remembrance of You in death;
who can thank You in Sheol?
6 I am weary from my groaning;
with my tears I dampen my pillow
and drench my bed every night.
7 My eyes are swollen from grief;
they grow old because of all my enemies.
8 Depart from me, all evildoers,
for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping.
9 The Lord has heard my plea for help;
the Lord accepts my prayer.
10 All my enemies will be ashamed and shake with terror;
they will turn back and suddenly be disgraced.
Psalms 6:1-10 (HCSB)

This Psalm was like God reaching His hands down and lifting me from the ocean depths. Thank you Lord for your mercy and grace. Thank you Lord for your everlasting love!

What verses speak to you in times of distress? Do you have a special scripture that you turn to when you are feeling down? Please share!


Image'>http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=149">Image: federico stevanin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Fighting the Lonelies

For me, loneliness is the biggest trigger to my depression. I will turn 40 this year and remain single with no children. I have always considered myself an introverted, shy individual with nothing to say that anyone would be interested in. My escapes are individual activities like reading, going to the movies, watching television. Difficult to meet people when everything you enjoy can be done on your own!

Last year I moved to Memphis on a whim to take a long-term sub position for the end of the year. I quit my job, packed the cab of my Chevy S10 with sparse supplies and headed west toward the unknown on January 2. I didn't even officially have a job offer and was on the phone with the HR department while I was driving to Memphis. Can we say impulsive????

Now, here we get to the lonely part. I didn't know anyone in Memphis. How was I going to survive with no family, no friends, not even any colleagues or acquaintances? I knew that I would have to break out of my shell and do something to meet people. So, I went to church.

Churches in the south are BIG! They aren't these little buildings I am used to from living in the northeast. Luckily, I chose a Saturday evening service for my first experience. I walked into this building and the first thing I noticed (besides all the people who seemed to know where they were going) was a coffee bar. Are you serious? It looked like a mini Starbuck's right there in the church foyer. Well, I guess there isn't anything else to do but go up to the mini Starbuck's and ask directions. Mind you, never in a million years would I have done this a week before moving to Memphis! Thankfully the woman at the coffee bar noticed how confused and lost I was and took pity on me. This wonderful lady left her post to guide me to the sanctuary and information desk. By the way, there are two more coffee bars-one in the sanctuary lobby and the other in the hallway by the gym. Yes, I said gym. I told you these churches are B-I-G.

This is where I met my first friend. Mary Beth. Mary Beth took me under her wing at the church and encouraged me in so many ways. Mary Beth was one of the leaders of the Bible study I signed up for and it turned out to be just the group I needed. There were two current teachers, one retired teacher, and a therapist in the group. These women gave me friendship and encouragement through some very difficult times. Without them, I would not have had the courage to keep putting myself out there to find friends.

My strategy for fighting the lonelies is to be around people. Start small if this is scary for you. Find a book club, knitting group, hobby club, something you can go to regularly and start meeting other people.

I still fight the lonelies, but after my experience in Memphis I know what I have to do to banish that demon! Get out, meet people, do things!