From Chocolate Bunnies to Grace

Easter is a very special day for me. It is the day God opened the eyes of my heart and showed me what it means to be a Christian.

Before that Easter Sunday I never really understood what the big deal about Easter was. Ok, we have the Easter Bunny that hides colored eggs and leaves chocolate in our baskets. I do love hard-boiled eggs and chocolate bunnies, but, come on,  Easter isn't Christmas.

And what was all that stuff leading up to Easter? People with ashes on their foreheads, all that fish on Fridays, palms. Really, ashes on your forehead??? I love my red meat, so if you think I'm ever giving up meat on Fridays you have got to be kidding me!

Easter means spring. Pretty dresses, ham and potatoes for dinner, jump ropes and sidewalk chalk. Oh, and all those pretty pastel colors. Groundhogs may let us know how long winter is going to be, but Easter tells me spring is here! Oh...and Cadbury Eggs.

But on that specific Easter Sunday as I was sitting in church with my dad, something amazing happened to me. All of a sudden I was at the crucifixion, looking up at Jesus on the cross. We all have an image of that day in our heads but then I saw more. Jesus was pulling all the sin of the world for all time into himself. The sin of the past, the sin of the present, and the sin of the future was coming out of the people and going into Jesus. Jesus, pure and holy covered in the blackness of sin.

     From the sixth hour to the ninth hour darkness came over all the land. Matthew 27:45

Once Jesus became sin a light started emanating from Jesus' heart, bright and pure. Intense, white-hot light started as a small point then exploded out of Jesus turning Jesus into Holy Light and reaching out from Jesus to the people, covering humans with the love, grace, and mercy of God. This is the ultimate gift from God, the secret of Christianity, the joy of living in God's love. Jesus took the deepest, darkest sin from us and purified us through his holiness.

     "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; He has risen! Luke 24:5,6

My words leave much to be desired, there are no words to describe what I saw and felt that day. It was an awesome, amazing, life changing experience. Can you imagine being filled with all of the evil of the world, not just the evil at that moment, but the evil that would be committed throughout all time? Jesus had to be buried in that tomb, to take all that evil back where it belonged. Jesus did not stay with that evil...He buried our sins and then rose from the grave to cover us with His etermal LOVE and GRACE.

Thank you LORD above for sending Your Son, pure and holy, to take our sins as the ultimate sacrifice. Thank you, for giving Your children on earth a bridge to Your presence and holiness. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

I would love to hear your testimonies, please share a special moment, a turning point, a time in your life that God intervened.

Easter Bunny picture by:
Image'>http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=4387">Image: debspoons / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Crucifixion picture by:
Image'>http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=440">Image: bela_kiefer / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Rooting Out the Doubt

Let your roots grow down into Him.

Let your lives be built on Him.

Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught

and you will overflow with thankfulness.

For God is working in you, giving you the desire and power to do what pleases Him.

Live clean innocent lives as children of God.

Hold firmly to the Word of Life.

Excerpt from: Philippians 2 and Colossians

(Thank you ro www.godsgracefulness.com for permission to repost)

This was just what I needed to hear today! If you have been following my blog you know I have been given verses about growing roots, settling down. This last week has been filled with doubt for me.

My nephew heard something during children's church two Sundays ago that didn't sit well with him. So, he asked me and I didn't have a good answer. I told him I would find out. The answer was not what I wanted to hear...but God's ways are not our ways. Well, this gave doubt an open door.

I have a bachelor's degree in Anthropology. I have a curious and inquiring mind and I like to find out facts. This is one reason I have had a difficult time with becoming a Christian. The reason I bring this up now is not to get into the science/religion debate but to let you know that I like to analyze things and think things through. I like things to make sense.  I want to Know!

When I read the above post from God's Gracefulness I felt God telling me to remain faithful, that the roots he wants me to grow are spiritual roots. He wants me to "settle down" with Him and my faith.

I have been going to two churches, of different denominations. Doesn't seem like it should be a big deal. But that has also let the enemy in to confuse me. My spiritual roots aren't deep enough yet. I am still a spiritual baby, and I crave pure spiritual milk. I need to get that spiritual milk from one place to decrease the confusion.

I pray the Lord plants me in the garden in which He wants my roots to grow deep so that I may bloom and bring joy to others. Amen

A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment...Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4

Holy Father, I pray that Your Spirit washes me with Your Word so that I may be holy in your sight. Lord, I lay my burdens at your feet, fill me with peace and love and take away the demons of anxiety and irritability and depresion. Lord, I yearn to have a gentle and quiet spirt which is worthy to you. You have given me beautiful and holy role models, Lord show me the way to quiet my spirit and be gentle towards myself and others. In Your Name I pray, Amen

This was the Word God gave me this morning. A gentle and quiet spirit. How I yearn to have a gentle and quiet spirit. Intolerance, impatience, irritability get in the way. Selfish pride gets in the way.

I repeated this verse every time I felt myself becoming irritated today. God showed me that I was being selfish and this selfishness is an obstacle to finding peace. I kept my thoughts on God and called on Him to quiet my soul when the feelings of irritability started. I slipped this evening though, and I pray for grace. God is showing me where it is most difficult for me to remain gentle-in my interactions with my sister. Lord, help me see my sister as You do, as Your child precious in Your sight. Fill me with Your love for her. Help me to keep patience and have a gentle and quiet spirit in my interactions with my sister. Amen.

God also let me know that my pride gets in the way. I never thought I was prideful...but God has shown me that I was wrong. Pride is a funny thing, our world says we need pride-parents, teachers, other caring people in our lives tell us they are proud when we do something they approve of. We are also told to be proud of ourselves. It develops self esteem and confidence. As God's children we are to be in this world but not of this world. Pride is of this world. Lord, thank you for showing me my prideful ways. Wash my pride away with Your Word, Your loving kindness, and Your grace. Allow Your love and light to shine through me and All Glory to You!

I hear you Lord, but I don't understand yet

Last night I prayed for my cousin who I haven't seen since I was a little girl and for some others that needed prayer. I was given verses to share to encourage and lift up these wonderful people. After I shared the verses I read the Psalm again and felt a verse call out to me. God must want me to notice that verse. Well, maybe I am just wishful, I doubt God has really given me this verse since I'm sure (in my own mind) that there is no chance of a relationship in my future.

Tonight my niece handed me my Kindle because she had finished her book. My sister was using my computer so I turned on the Kindle and started reading. Wouldn't you know it, the Lord put that same verse in the second paragraph I was reading. If I put this verse together with a verse from earlier in the week it sounds like God may be telling me there is a family in my future. That isn't a longing I want to open up right now because it leads straight into the deepest depths of depression. But, this is God talking. Is God telling me to open my heart to the possiblity? Or is God telling me that I am home with family-my mom, my sister, niece, and nephew?

Let me share the verses. First, I was given a passage in Jeremiah. I posted previously on Jeremiah 29:5-Build houses and settle down, plant gardens and eat what they produce. But that was only the beginning of the passage. The next verse states:

Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. (Jer 29:6)

And here is the verse from last night and tonight: Psalm 68:6

God sets the lonely in families

I am lonely Lord, and I would love for You to set me in a family. Lord, if this is Your will for my life, open my heart and my mind and my life to the person you have planned. If it is Your will that being set in  a family means continuing to live with mom, sister, niece and nephew please give me the wisdom to understand this and accept this with a grateful heart.

If I have any readers out there that would like to offer some Godly advice, I am all ears...ummm...eyes.

Do Something You Enjoy!

Depression is a chronic disease and does not just go away. It lies in wait, looking for a way to sneak in and take over again. For someone that has suffered with depression for years it is fairly easy to slip into the shallows of depression, and once you are in the shallows it isn't long before you are drowning in the deep, dark waters.

One way I have found to keep depression at bay is to do things I enjoy. Of course, finding those things can be difficult, especially if you are like me and have spent most of your life avoiding fun things.

In Memphis I learned to relax and have fun. I started meeting some friends on Friday or Saturday nights to dance. It was a good group and everyone looked out for everyone else. Yes, we went to bars but most of us did not drink. We went to enjoy the music and dance.

Dance?!? Yes, dance. I actually got on a dance floor in a public place. More than once! I know some people will never believe this without prroof, so here is a picture.

Look-not only am I dancing but I am smiling! I think I smiled more in the six months I was in Memphis than I did my entire life before then.

Now, I have not gone out dancing since I have moved back to NY. In fact I have been in the shallows and flirting with the deep. But I am starting to find things I enjoy doing here. One of the things I find that I enjoy is writing this blog. I can't wait to come home and write. It gives me purpose, accountability, and best of all motivation!

This weekend I am going to a Women's breakfast. I went to one last month and enjoyed it so I am going again. I am signing up for volunteer opportunities. My sister planned a fun weekend for my birthday in May. So, you see, I am finding things to do that I enjoy.

What things do you enjoy that help keep depression away?

Fighting the Lonelies

For me, loneliness is the biggest trigger to my depression. I will turn 40 this year and remain single with no children. I have always considered myself an introverted, shy individual with nothing to say that anyone would be interested in. My escapes are individual activities like reading, going to the movies, watching television. Difficult to meet people when everything you enjoy can be done on your own!

Last year I moved to Memphis on a whim to take a long-term sub position for the end of the year. I quit my job, packed the cab of my Chevy S10 with sparse supplies and headed west toward the unknown on January 2. I didn't even officially have a job offer and was on the phone with the HR department while I was driving to Memphis. Can we say impulsive????

Now, here we get to the lonely part. I didn't know anyone in Memphis. How was I going to survive with no family, no friends, not even any colleagues or acquaintances? I knew that I would have to break out of my shell and do something to meet people. So, I went to church.

Churches in the south are BIG! They aren't these little buildings I am used to from living in the northeast. Luckily, I chose a Saturday evening service for my first experience. I walked into this building and the first thing I noticed (besides all the people who seemed to know where they were going) was a coffee bar. Are you serious? It looked like a mini Starbuck's right there in the church foyer. Well, I guess there isn't anything else to do but go up to the mini Starbuck's and ask directions. Mind you, never in a million years would I have done this a week before moving to Memphis! Thankfully the woman at the coffee bar noticed how confused and lost I was and took pity on me. This wonderful lady left her post to guide me to the sanctuary and information desk. By the way, there are two more coffee bars-one in the sanctuary lobby and the other in the hallway by the gym. Yes, I said gym. I told you these churches are B-I-G.

This is where I met my first friend. Mary Beth. Mary Beth took me under her wing at the church and encouraged me in so many ways. Mary Beth was one of the leaders of the Bible study I signed up for and it turned out to be just the group I needed. There were two current teachers, one retired teacher, and a therapist in the group. These women gave me friendship and encouragement through some very difficult times. Without them, I would not have had the courage to keep putting myself out there to find friends.

My strategy for fighting the lonelies is to be around people. Start small if this is scary for you. Find a book club, knitting group, hobby club, something you can go to regularly and start meeting other people.

I still fight the lonelies, but after my experience in Memphis I know what I have to do to banish that demon! Get out, meet people, do things!