For me, loneliness is the biggest trigger to my depression. I will turn 40 this year and remain single with no children. I have always considered myself an introverted, shy individual with nothing to say that anyone would be interested in. My escapes are individual activities like reading, going to the movies, watching television. Difficult to meet people when everything you enjoy can be done on your own!
Last year I moved to Memphis on a whim to take a long-term sub position for the end of the year. I quit my job, packed the cab of my Chevy S10 with sparse supplies and headed west toward the unknown on January 2. I didn't even officially have a job offer and was on the phone with the HR department while I was driving to Memphis. Can we say impulsive????
Now, here we get to the lonely part. I didn't know anyone in Memphis. How was I going to survive with no family, no friends, not even any colleagues or acquaintances? I knew that I would have to break out of my shell and do something to meet people. So, I went to church.
Churches in the south are BIG! They aren't these little buildings I am used to from living in the northeast. Luckily, I chose a Saturday evening service for my first experience. I walked into this building and the first thing I noticed (besides all the people who seemed to know where they were going) was a coffee bar. Are you serious? It looked like a mini Starbuck's right there in the church foyer. Well, I guess there isn't anything else to do but go up to the mini Starbuck's and ask directions. Mind you, never in a million years would I have done this a week before moving to Memphis! Thankfully the woman at the coffee bar noticed how confused and lost I was and took pity on me. This wonderful lady left her post to guide me to the sanctuary and information desk. By the way, there are two more coffee bars-one in the sanctuary lobby and the other in the hallway by the gym. Yes, I said gym. I told you these churches are B-I-G.
This is where I met my first friend. Mary Beth. Mary Beth took me under her wing at the church and encouraged me in so many ways. Mary Beth was one of the leaders of the Bible study I signed up for and it turned out to be just the group I needed. There were two current teachers, one retired teacher, and a therapist in the group. These women gave me friendship and encouragement through some very difficult times. Without them, I would not have had the courage to keep putting myself out there to find friends.
My strategy for fighting the lonelies is to be around people. Start small if this is scary for you. Find a book club, knitting group, hobby club, something you can go to regularly and start meeting other people.
I still fight the lonelies, but after my experience in Memphis I know what I have to do to banish that demon! Get out, meet people, do things!